Solo Cups and Seedlings
At the beginning of this year, I had a little greenhouse, and I started out different varieties of lettuce from seeds in red solo cups. As the tiny plants formed and grew, I got too busy to manage them as well as they needed, and I left them in the cups for too long. Soon, they outgrew their space, and their growth started to be their end. They were becoming root bound, and if I didn’t move them to a bigger container, they would atrophy and die.
While I was moving the plants, God’s Spirit convicted me. He told me I was like the plants and I was being unwilling to take risks. I needed to move and trust too. I needed to be faithful to steward the talents He had given me. My season was changing, and I was being resistant to changing too. I was afraid of the growth. I was comfortable as I was. I needed to trust.
I talked about it all with Bryan later on. I shared what God was doing in my heart, and I have been moving forward into this new season ever since. What I didn't expect was all of the insecurity I was harboring in my heart still, even as a grown woman.
Let’s talk about insecurity. It plagues the best of us. You know those dreams everyone jokes about? The feeling that you are standing in front of a classroom with your underwear and everyone is laughing at you? That’s what I am talking about.
I launched my photography business this summer, and insecurity has been waiting for me around every corner. I have named it, tried to ignore it, fed it at times, tried to starve it at others, and tried to win against it. It’s been an internal war for me every single day. I know so many of you know what I am talking about. You feel it too in many arenas. If we let our insecurities rule us, they can be paralyzing. We create scenarios mentally that don’t and won’t exist, and we limit how we interact with the world.
I was praying about this today and read a beautiful prayer in the liturgy book, “Every Moment Holy.” It really challenged me, so I wanted to share it with you too.
“The outcomes of your labors were never in your hands, but in God’s. You have but one task: to be faithful. The success of your endeavors is not yours to judge. He works in ways that you cannot comprehend. And in his economy, there will be no waste. Even what you judge as failure, God will tool to greater purpose. If this is true, what greater end could he intend to work from my failings? Who can discern? But consider now: Might your tender Father use even your failures and weaknesses to make you more humble and more sympathetic to the failings and failures of others, thereby shaping your heart into a nearer likeness of the heart of Christ?”
The heart of insecurity is that we are afraid we will not measure up or that we will fail. As a Christian, we do not even have to fear failure. If the thing we are pursuing fails, God can even use that too. We are only responsible with being faithful.
I think I have been guilty of placing my confidence in my success. I have been defining success incorrectly. I do want my business to do well. It is. However, my confidence each and every day needs to be that I am being obedient to Jesus and am being faithful in loving my God and loving others as He has loved me. Nothing else truly matters.
May we pursue the high calling of being sons and daughters of our King wherever He has placed in whichever season we find ourselves in. I’m cheering you on from the sidelines. May we fearlessly share with the world the talents that have been entrusted to us. May we be worthy stewards of the good gifts we have been given for His purposes.
Anna Cirlot is a wife to Bryan, a pastor, teacher, and church planting mentor. She is a homeschooling mom to 3 amazing kids. She loves Jesus, her family, church, and farm. She is a web designer and photographer for Anna Cirlot Photography & Design on the Mississippi Gulf Coast. She is often found with cup of coffee in one hand and a camera in the other. She also believes life is too short not to have as many goats and chickens as possible. If you visit the farm, you’ll believe her.